FROM QUANTAS AIRLINES:
After every Quantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet
which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a piece of
paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the problem, which
the mechanics read and then respond in writing on the lower half of the
form what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next flight of
that plane can review the form before taking off. Never let it be said that
ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some
actual logged maintenance complaints and responses where P = the problem
logged by the pilot, and S = the solution and action taken by engineers.
Quantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
accident!!!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in c0ckpit.
S: Something tightened in c0ckpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volumes set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to Stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in c0ckpit.
S: Cat installed
Nothing new, but reminds me of my kitcar build
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